Mother's Day Sadness and Joy

The weekend began with the death of our furry little cutester, Checkers the mouse.  I awoke early Saturday and found him.  Honestly I was surprised he lasted this long; I feel convinced he had some ailment plaguing him since Christmas.  So I felt the usual mixed emotions of relief that his suffering was over, but also sadness.  John can tell you how attached I was to that little guy.  And then of course there was the question of how to deliver the news to Anne Peyton.  Wait until after dance class to tell her, and hope she won't notice?  And then, take his body away and tell her it went to heaven?  I suspected her reaction would be significantly different than when, as a 3-year-old, she learned of Jackson-the-cat's death.

I erred on the side of honesty and told her the sad news before she even got out of bed.  She began crying immediately, then it turned to sobbing.  She asked to see his body (which I had moved to a little cardboard coffin lined with soft tissues), and I obliged.  The sobbing lasted at least 30 minutes, and she refused to eat breakfast.  As I sat with her in my lap at the dining room table, I cursed myself for taking such a direct approach.  But then, a wonderful thing happened.  She said, between sobs, "mommy, I want to do something special for Checkers". 

We decided that would take the form of drawing a picture.  She asked me to draw him, which I attempted to do, and she printed his name and "birth" date (day we adopted him from the Dumb Friends League).  When I suggested we also include a dash followed by his date of death, she politely declined. 

Then, she asked me to draw pictures of his "cousins", and we shared the task of coloring and naming those 5 mice.  Translation on the names: Snakejewel (!?!?! - AP), Mouseketeer (Lisa), Rubickscube (John), Lulu (Tommy), and Sally (AP). 

During this, she said "mommy, this is making me feel better". (this is where the joy - mommy joy, comes in).

Amazingly, she collected herself and was able to attend dance class without incident.  Brief episodes of grief and tears interspersed her day.  I talked to her about burying him, which of course was not well-received.  Lots of talk about how his soul is in heaven and he left his body here because he no longer needed it, and how Mother Earth needs his body to make the soil rich for the flowers.  Still, resistance.  So we agreed to wait another day to decide.

Later that day, I was privileged to be the guest of my neighbor, Elaine, at the annual Spring Fling brunch at her church.  Her daughter couldn't make it, so she invited me!  The entertainment was a group of now-grandmothers and great-grandmothers who originally started as a PTA singing group years ago.  They sang lots of oldies and I got pretty misty thinking about my own song-loving great-grandmother who died on April 6th.

Mother's Day began with a cup of coffee and newspaper in bed, and then downstairs for a delicious breakfast of pancakes and sausage.  The table was graced with some pink grocery-store flowers which the kids had painstakingly picked out.  My placemat was full of hand-made cards and library books and library DVDs the kids had selected.  I'm not sure where this library idea came from; AP did tell me that on Friday at school, they went around the room and shared what they would be doing for their mothers that weekend.  She related that most of the kids mentioned flowers, but she decided to say that she would going to find some library books & movies for her mommy.  Needless to say, I was very touched.  Here is a list of the titles they selected for me:

• My Mom is a Firefighter
• Mommy Loves
• Big Sister Now
• Young Black Stallion (DVD)
• Peanuts Reunion (DVD)
• Knuffle Bunny (DVD)

After church Anne Peyton announced that she was ready to bury Checkers.  And I can tell you it wasn't a moment too soon!  I had tried to avoid any talk of bad smells but that became increasingly impossible!

We collected petals from most of the flowers & flowering trees in our yard, and she oh-so-painstakingly placed them at the bottom of a hole that John dug amongst the daffodils in the back yard. 

She preferred not to watch while I gently placed C's body atop the bed of flowers, but then she bravely placed the rest of the petals on top of him.  Each of us had a message for Checkers, and a prayer, and then she helped us cover him with dirt.  Tommy, who seemed rather apathetic - even amused - through all of this, had carefully selected a memorial stone and (after a brief dispute over who would place the rock on the grave) handed it to his sister for placing.  Anne Peyton told me "mommy, (she pretty much starts every sentence with "mommy"!), I'm really feeling better now".

Afterwards, we had a lovely hike in Roxborough Park 

(well, most of the loveliness occurred during the first of the too-long 2.2 mile hike; after that, it was eclipsed by whining and frequent pleas for "I want up").  :)  Dinner was at a Sonic drive-in and of course it was capped off by some delicious ice-creamy treats.

Honestly I can't think of a more perfect Mother's Day.  Self-doubt did not disappear when I became a mother; in fact, it is even more insidious because now there is more at stake.  But on this weekend I did feel like a worthy mother.

My First Week as a SAHM

SAHM=Stay at Home Mom, for those who weren't familiar with that acronym. :)

On Feb. 22 I received a not unexpected and not completely unwelcome phone call from my manager at HP, telling me I had been impacted by the latest of many rounds of layoffs since EDS had been purchased by HP over a year ago.  Although my paychecks would continue for 60 days, I was relieved of my responsibilities and would receive a 3 month severance after April 23.  Funny, that will be 18 years almost to the day (4/22/1992 was my first day at the Pontiac Customer Assistance Center in Michigan). 

After some weepiness -the kind I always experience at the end of anything (John jokes I would be teary after being freed from a concentration camp) and whenever people say nice things to me (as they often do when you are leaving), I began to enjoy my liberation.  We needed to provide 3 weeks' notice to our daycare providers so in effect I had 3 weeks of "Lisa time" which I enjoyed thoroughly by going to a 1.5-hr power yoga class every day, taking Midas on daily walks, doing some organizing around the house, meeting and friends, and, hmmmm, I don't have much else to show for that time.  I'm still shocked at how little I actually got done.  But I surely did enjoy it!

March 11 was the kids' last official day at Marilyn & Jerry's (of course I was quite emotional for that too),

and March 15 started my first official week as a SAHM. It went amazingly well! Here is a rundown:

Monday, 3/15:  We picked up my car from the "hospital" (after a $800 head gasket repair, ugh, at least I still have a paycheck coming in) and went to Mr. Biggs, an indoor entertainment center near our house.  It opens at 11am and we were among the first ones there.  Not a busy time so we mostly had the place to ourselves.  Played in the foam ball pit, the "Little Bigg Town", and played a few video games.  Tommy wanted a gun game to my dismay, and AP was happy with anything that involved animals.  They did try to drive cars around a toy track as well.    Back at home, Tommy tried for a nap but it didn't work, so I set the kids up with the easel and paints out on the deck.  After producing two masterpieces each we played in the back yard for awhile (thank goodness most of the week was beautiful pre-spring weather) and headed off early to the pool to play for a bit prior to swim lessons at 5:15.

Tuesday, 3/16:  Tommy and I had his "I'm a Big Kid Now" class at one of the local Rec Centers from 9-10:30 and unfortunately I had not made any plans for Anne Peyton (older siblings not permitted to accompany us).  So I parked her in front of the PBS station at home.  I hate doing it but have to admit it makes things easier, and the REAL benefit is John working from home so I can do things like that in a pinch.

Wednesday, 3/17: St. Patty's Day!   We dropped AP off at her Kendallvue Preschool class (8:15-10:45) and Tommy and I headed off to the gym for a yoga class.  He hates going to the gym's nursery without AP but he choked back his anxiety and very bravely went inside so that I had less stress to sweat out in yoga.  John picked up AP from class while Tommy and I hit the craft & grocery stores to prepare for St Pat's Day.  I had the kids make a "Pot of Gold" craft consisting of painting a tiny terra cotta pot black, painting small rocks gold, and then putting colored pipe cleaners together to make a rainbow. 

They loved it and it bought me a little time to put the corned beef and cabbage in the crock pot, then get showered up.  Again Tommy tried to nap (and he really does try! which is ok by me) and then the 3 of us piled in the car to drive down to the Cherry Cricket pub where the bagpipe bands were supposed to begin playing at 3pm.  I was really anxious about this excursion because my experiences with it in years past include hoards of drunken people.  But arriving that early allowed us to roam the bar easily and have good views of the pipes, drums & dancers.  At first the kids stood there horrified, with hands on ears, but after some acclimation time they seemed to enjoy themselves.  Tommy told me the drums were his fave, and AP of course liked the Highland dancers with the pretty red dresses.

Afterwards, we had a dinner which was as green as it could possibly be.  

Thursday, 3/18: Marilyn had done a unit on dinosaurs so the kids were full of dinosaur-talk, so we decided to visit Dinosaur Ridge which is very close to our house. 

 You used to be able to drive along the hogback and ooh-and-aah over the fossilized dino footprints there, but now they have turned it into part of the museum and there is a guided tour.  This turned out well, because it was interesting and because the kids could actually get out and touch the footprints.  Tommy cracked me up when, after viewing and touching some of the fossils, he asked me (in his sing-songy voice and with hand language included) "mommy, where are the fossils?"

Friday, 3/19:  It's so nice being able to bring AP home from preschool and just be together ( as opposed to rushing her over to Marilyn & Jerry's).  Here's a picture from lunch that day.  That night, we had one of our monthly pizza parties with some of the daycare families.  It was a nice reunion after the kids' first week apart.

Stories about Nobody

The other day after rock-climbing class (yes!  it's the best!), we stopped at DQ and decided to take turns telling each other little stories.  Here was Tommy's entry, which amused us all greatly and set the trend for the next hour:

"Once upon a time, nobody went into a cave.  The end."

Rocky Mountain High

Our kids have fallen in love with this John Denver song; they request it over and over again in the car, and I'll catch Anne Peyton in particular humming the lyrics. In the car, she belts out the refrain; I'll look back and see her mouth wide open! :)

I love it too, so here are the lyrics:

He was born in the summer of his 27th year,
coming home to a place he'd never been before.
He left yesterday behind him,
you might say he was born again,
might say he found a key for every door.

When he first came to the mountains
His life was far away
on the road and hanging by a song.
But the strings already broken
and he doesn't really care,
it keeps changin' fast, and it don't last for long.

It's a Colorado Rocky Mountain High,
I've seen it raining fire in the sky
The shadows from the starlight are softer than a lullabye.
Rocky Mountain High, ...in Colorado....
Rocky Mountain High.

He climbed cathedral mountains, he saw silver clouds below,
saw everything as far as you can see.
And they say that he got crazy once and that he
tried to touch the sun,
and he lost a friend*, but kept the memory.

Now he walks in quiet solitude, the forest and the stream,
seeking grace in every step he takes,
his sight is turned inside himself, to try and
understand, the serenity of a clear blue mountain lake.
And the Colorado Rocky Mountain High,
I've seen it raining fire in the sky
You can talk to God and listen to the casual reply.
Rocky Mountain High, ....in Colorado....
Rocky Mountain High.

Now his life is full of wonder,
but his heart still knows some fear,
of the simple things he can not comprehend.
Why they try to tear the mountains down**
to bring in a couple more.
More people, more scars upon the land.

It's the Colorado Rocky Mountain High,
I've seen it raining fire in the sky
I know he'd be a poorer man if he never saw an eagle fly
Rocky Mountain high

It's the Colorado Rocky Mountain High,
I've seen it raining fire in the sky.
Friends around the camp fire and everybody's high....
Rocky Mountain High, Rocky Mountain High,
Rocky Mountain High,
Rocky Mountain High.

* This lyric always generates much discussion in the back seat. Anne Peyton had already asked me about it, and fortunately I didn't have to get into the fact that the friend died (she's pretty sensitive about that topic).  I think she just think he got lost.  Today Tommy said "he lost his friend?" and AP replied knowingly "yep, he lost his friend".  But then she wanted to know if it was his best friend or not.

** This was another lyric that caught their attention.  Naturally, they don't like the sound of tearing the mountains down

Preschool Beginnings

A shopper, I am not. And while I often fool myself into thinking that shopping with the kids could be fun, historically it has NOT been! Picky, distracted, unreasonable...these are just a few of the words that describe our children when it comes to shopping & clothes! :)

But last night, Anne Peyton and I set out, just the two of us, to find her a pair of shoes to wear for her first day of "real" preschool today. Our daycare provider does an excellent preschool in her home, but THIS is going to be at Kendallvue Elementary School and there will be 15 other kids in her class (vs. 5 or so). She'll go 2 mornings a week, on Wednesdays & Fridays.

We started off on the right foot (npi) because she had been in a wonderful mood ever since getting home from daycare, where today was the first day of preschool there, too. I think the return of structure after a summer without had alot to do with that. She was chatty (unsolicited updates on Arielle's first day of kindergarten, monologue about "deading" (killing) spiders & other bugs, etc), helpful (requested to scrub the kitchen floor), and compliant (actually cleaned her plate and changed clothes when I asked her to).

Our first stop was my favorite secondhand kids' store: Once Upon a Child. We dove into the size 10 shoe bin and she actually LIKED the first pair of shoes she tried on! Then, she spied a classic brown suede Mary Jane without its mate. It surprised me that she liked the look of it (ie, it wasn't pink!), and even more that she liked the way it felt, as she walked up & down the aisles to test it out. Rather than distracting herself with the play area, she actually engaged in helping me find the mate, and was very excited when we finally found it.

I was drunk on 4 year-old good attitude at this point, so we moved on to the clothes aisle even though that wasn't the purpose of the trip. I'd hold up a shirt and asked her if she liked it. In the past, she would look at it for 3 seconds and ignore the question. This time, she said "hmmmm, let me try that on" with great enthusiasm. The horsey sweater passed the test. Then, SHE found a brown leopard-print skirt (actually rather classy looking) on the rack and pulled it off with excitement (this has never happened). She immediately tried it on, and then I found a mini brown sweater that looked like it would match. What do you call those cute-but-not-very-functional sweaters that land just below your chest? Anyway, it was one of those. I held it up to her and she said "what in the world is THAT, momma?". I had to LOL. She tried it on and looked adorable in it, so the outfit came home to us to be modeled to Daddy & Tommy.

Next stop was Famous Footwear because we still needed some good ole' sneakers. We found a pair that was slightly big (but not too big), but she was less than enthusiastic about the fact that they were sneakers. It must be known that in the past, many a meltdown has involved the wearing of sneakers; we're talking a BIG deal here. Not that this stage of life is over for her, but I will say that after 20 minutes of trying on various other shoes, and then trying the sneakers on once again, she said "ok, momma, I'll wear these to school tomorrow". WHAT did she say? I hadn't even expected her to agree to buy them, let alone wear them to school on her first day.

She went to bed telling me she's "ess-cited" about her first day of preschool tomorrow, even though she might be a bit shy. Despite a late-night potty & water wake-up, she woke up bright-eyed and with continued good nature. I fully expected her to change her mind about the tennis shoes, but, nope! After a small photo session on the front steps, John dropped Tommy off at Marilyn & Jerry's and then came back to get us girls. She remained excited, albeit shy (she clung to us for quite awhile and had to be kindly pried away by the teacher when it was time to say goodbye) and we left without incident, proud and incredulous that our baby girl is now a schoolgirl.

Lizzie Gets Lost

Monday, May 11

Anne Peyton's best friend Jackie came over today, on this beautiful, perfect spring day. After lunch I took the kids down to the lake. Sadly, there appear to be no frogs or turtles inhabiting this area any longer. The old-timers who have been here for years tell me this was not always the case, but something has happened. Regardless, Anne Peyton manages to find a limp little lizard in the sand. I am thinking he's dead, but it turns out he's a rubber lizard used as bait. She becomes quite enamored of this little creature, and aptly names her "Lizzie". Lizzie comes home with us, is put in a place of honor on a special blanket in a special basket, and is lovingly looked after.

Right after Jackie and some other impromptu (the best kind, I still think!) guests leave (at about 7pm!!) AP begins to cry, inconsolably. Finally she manages to explain that she has lost Lizzie. She holds up 2 cm of rubber lizard tail and blubbers "and all I have left is her tail". More intense crying. The entire family joins in the search but she is nowhere to be found. Honestly, I'm not sure if I have ever seen AP this upset. We convince her to wash up and eat some dinner and we would resume the search afterwards. While I'm preparing dinner, John manages to distract her with some "what was your favorite part of the day?" conversation and all is going well until she opens her clenched fist, looks down, and sees the lonely lizard tail. Hell breaks loose again. She is impossible during dinner.

My frustration with her is obvious, and at one point (after I have praised Tommy for finishing his rice, I think), she wimpers "Mommy, it makes me sad when you aren't proud of me". WOW. John and I both said later we have never heard her utter such a statement. Of course I told her all the things I was proud of, etc, etc. But very interesting to have this insight into her psyche (thanks mostly to a very active day and an empty tummy).

After quietly checking with John, I offer that if our next search is unsuccessful, maybe daddy can take her to the store to find a new Lizzie. And that if we manage to find the old Lizzie even after that, then she will have TWO Lizzies.

Her expression changes instantly: mouth opens wide; eyes open wide. A look of sheer excitement. She joyfully states, "Mommy! I want to buy TWO Lizzies at the store!!".

Later she does lament that the original Lizzie might get into some kind of "trouble" out there, but I assure her that Lizzie's camoflage and lack of movement will do her a world of good. But when AP returns from the sportsmens store with a WHOLE BAG (9, to be exact) of new Lizzies, she is exuberant. As is Tommy. So as I type this, AP has 4 Lizzies sleeping on her bedside table, and Tommy has one, sitting on the shelf looking down at him.

It's awfully tempting to get this little girl a hermit crab or a turtle or a hamster or something, but gosh, why bother?

To Hug a Mockingbird

Monday, May 4th - The kids and I are here at my mom's house in lovely Greensboro, Georgia and one of the treats is that I get a bed and a room all to myself (I love reading in bed but I always feel bad interfering w/John's sleep because he usually falls asleep faster than I do). I've come prepared with a can't-put-down book recommended by my Radical bookclub friends (a YA novel called "Jellicoe Road").

So I'm reading and reading and reading, then Mom pops in at 12:30 on a bathroom trip and gives me this "are you sure it's a good idea to stay up this late reading?" look (hmmm, also something I don't get at home, for better or for worse!). So a half hour later, I begrudgingly put the book down. The bed is comfortable, the windows are open, the breeze is cool, and I am happily drifting off to sleep. Then, just a few minutes later, the resident mockingbird decides that NOW is a good time to show off the ten thousand different songs in his repertoire.

Fortunately, I am a great audience because I am very relaxed and in a very good mood. I lie there, laughing with delight at this dingbat bird who is singing in the pitch dark, apparently because he has a captive audience? I even pull out my camera and put it on video mode so I can capture the sound (out a dark window). But he goes on for an hour, and I cannot fall asleep. I COULD just close the windows but instead I decide that is an excuse to turn on the light and keep reading. Which I do, and finally finish the book about 2 hours later, 3:30am. Mr. Mockingbird (who I later learned via google is probably a young unmated male, as this is quite common for them) is still singing, but, as if on cue, finished up shortly thereafter.

What was particularly neat about this is that the book I was reading had a reference to "To Kill Mockingbird". Specifically (page 105):

Mr. Palmer: She calls her friend 'Mrs. Dubose.' That's all I know. Have you heard of her?

Taylor: Yes, I say sleepily. She lived in the same street as Jem and Scout Finch.

I, for one, did not remember who Mrs. Dubose was. By the end of the book, I knew. And knew that rereading "To Kill A Mockingbird" would be my next indulgence. Being in a small southern town and discussing with mom the segregation that still exists there, and then reading a reference to the book would have been enough of a prompt, but being serenaded by a mockingbird that night was just too perfect!

Jack and the Beanstalk

I really do my best to tell stories to the kids, but sometimes I just don't have it in me (I wish I came by it more naturally!). I'm not sure why I didn't think of this before, but I got some help from the library last week. We checked out an audiorecording of a man telling some of the classic fairytales, including Jack and the Beanstalk. We listened to that one on the way to the zoo today (Mondays: my day off with the kids-yay!).

Tommy wasn't terribly interested. Anne Peyton was, but she kept piping in with "what did that man say?", etc. Maybe it's because the storyteller had an Aussie accent? If so, sad, but regardless, I got in the habit of pausing it every 30 seconds or so and paraphrasing what had just happened. Apparently that did the trick, because the next 7 times she asked to hear it there was no explanation required.

What's funny to me is that I didn't remember anything about the story except that Jack climbed a beanstalk. My God, it's awful! First, Jack trades the family cow, Milky White, for some magic beans without explaining to the recipient that she is no longer producing milk (buyer beware is true in fairy tales too). Then the giant's wife invites Jack to "safely" hide inside an OVEN until the giant falls asleep. I had to have a serious talk with the kids since they are, after all, such big hide-n-seek fans and are undoubtedly always on the lookout for new & creative places to hide. Then Jack steals a bag of gold from the giant and his kind wife. Instead of using the gold to buy another cow so that his family can be self-sufficient again, he brazenly climbs back up and steals a hen who lays golden eggs on demand ("LAY!"). One would THINK that would be plenty, but no, he climbs up a third time and steals a golden harp. Then as the giant rightfully chases him back down the beanstalk, Jack chops down the stalk and giant falls to his death. Granted, it's not nice for the giant to eat little boys, but Jack wasn't exactly on his best behavior, either! And, he was fairly warned several times.

I enjoyed my conversation with Anne Peyton afterwards. Initially she exclaimed "good!" when the giant died. But we talked about how it really wasn't so nice that the giant was killed. She pondered this and eventually came back with a "ug idea" (her way of saying a "good idea", which tells me that we don't enunciate enough around here). She thought Jack should have put the giant in jail instead. We didn't get into the fact that he hadn't actually committed a crime and it was actually Jack who had...but I had to admire her thought process. She reiterated several times, with conviction (no pun intended) that jail was the better alternative to "making someone dead". Maybe a little anti-capital-punishment activist in the making??

She also asked questions like "was the giant's house big enough for him to fit inside?", "why was that boy's mommy angry at him?", etc. OK, maybe some of them were a teensy bit obvious, but again (and like any good mom would!), I admired the thought process immensely.

Ultimately, it was a good lesson for me because I have often lamented about all the bad media out there - socializing promiscuity and conspicuous consumption for our children at much too young an age. One of my grad school profs wisely told me there is no way to hide it from your children, and in fact it wouldn't be a good idea even if there were (temporarily). Instead, the best we parents can do is to teach them critical thinking skills. I have often wondered about my ability to do so, but I took these conversations as a decent first attempt. Also, the idea of "throwing the baby out with the bathwater" occured to me as well. Despite all its shortcomings (IMHO), like any good story - it is full of creativity and suspense. Not to mention a happy ending.

Inauguration Day 2009

Thanks to John for the gifts of a plane ticket and 2 inauguration tix (which were thanks to his friend Andy Speth who is chief of staff for Rep. Paul Ryan of Wisconsin!), I had the opportunity of a lifetime to witness President Obama take his oath of office on January 20th! The icing on the cake was being able to stay with my dear friends Denise & Bill Sisson, who live just across the river in Arlington.

Sunday afternoon Denise whisked me away from Reagan Int'l Airport straight to the Roslyn neighborhood of Arlington, where we took the metro to the wonderfully-named Foggy Bottom station and then hoofed it to the National Mall for the "We Are One" concert.

Hoards exiting the metro, headed for the concert.

It was too exciting to really pay much attention to the who's who list of performers (Bruce Springsteen, U2, Stevie Wonder, Beyonce, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, Sheryl Crow, Will.I.Am, Usher, Mary J. Blige, etc). The concert was held at the Lincoln Memorial, but the closest you could get was the Washington Memorial. The crowd was about 500K strong, and it was just a preview of the energy and camaraderie we'd see on Tuesday. My favorite example of this was in line for a women's bathroom at the George Washington University student center. No surprise, they had run out of TP hours ago. One smart woman had brought her own. But instead of quietly using it inside her stall and saving it for later, she simply pulled off a few squares and passed the roll behind her. Each woman in line did the same, and continued passing it back until it was gone.

Signs of patriotism were abundant, and moving.

It was also a real treat to meet up with Ken Kozicki and his friend Craig that afternoon! It was Ken's text-messaged account of his spontaneous bike ride to Chicago's Grant Park on election night, and the stranger-hugging celebration there, that inspired me to be part of the inauguration crowds. We met up with Bill for dinner later on, and then all went back to the Sissons' for a few hours to watch part of the concert (and youtube videos!) on their big screen.

Tuesday we arose at 4am (about 3 hours of sleep for me, who stayed up late, bubbly with excitement, emailing everyone to spread the love), found a spot at a parking garage in Roslyn, and made our way to the metro with a thousand or five of our fellow Americans. It took over an hour to go 2 stops, and it was a bit creepy sitting for long periods inside the tunnels. But finally we emerged and began what would be a 10-hour odyssey of pedestrian navigation. We (and everyone else in the vicinity) were delighted to see this creative tribute as we were exiting the metro.

We made our way down Constitution Avenue and realized that the "Blue Gate" for us blue ticket-holders was on the opposite site of the Capitol. Thanks to Denise's local knowledge, we were able to loop around behind the Capitol instead of trying to fight the crowds in front of it. Finally we arrived at the LINE for the gate, just a few minutes before it was due to "open" at 8am. At a little after 8, the inching began. And continued...and continued..for about 3 hours.

This is a view of the "line" behind us. It was FRIGID but we were all in great spirits. Never have I been with a group of such friendly, supportive, good-humored people especially in such uncomfortable and frustrating circumstances; it was really remarkable.

Chants of "Yes, We Can!" eventually turned into "What's Going On?" (ever so politely), but even the police officer nearby admitted he hadn't a clue. As the time approached 11:30am, we began realizing that our coveted blue tickets might not be so special after all. Unless something dramatically changed, we would never make it through the security screening in time to witness the inauguration. And from where we were standing, we could neither see nor hear anything going on on the Capitol steps. The once-boisterous crowd grew quiet; I have no doubt we were all thinking the same thing - the injustice of making such a long trip, and enduring the crowds and the cold, only to be caught out of eye- and ear-shot of the inauguration. Maybe that cozy sofa in front of the TV at home was the way to go after all. I was ready to cry, but Denise was convinced we could maneuver our way to a better view. And that we did. Ultimately we made it to one of the public viewing spots, where we could at least hear the ceremy, and even had a decent view of a jumbotron far off in the distance.

yep, we had 'em ready alright...

This, ultimately, was our view of the ceremony. No complaints in the end!

It was absolutely thrilling to witness Obama take that oath. To have a crowd of 1.8 million gathered for that moment, and respecting that moment with their collective silence, and then their shared celebration...it's beyond words.

Leaving DC after the ceremony was a story unto itself! Even the police officers and official volunteers did not understand the complex system of roadblocks, security fences, and closures that had been set up. We were directed towards one "exit" only to find that it was closed, and the only way back was to go back where we started and inquire from there. You've heard of a corn maze; this was a human being maze. Due to the size of the crowd, it was impossible to know whether exits were blocked, until you got there. After the first couple of dead ends, people who had aleady turned around and were doubling back began sharing their knowledge ("You've got to turn around! They won't let you go that way!"). I had just finished 'The Grapes of Wrath' for book club, and was reminded of the Joad family and all of the others who fled the Dust Bowl to the promised land of California. Although they confronted many families who had already learned the terrible truth, they had to go and find out for themselves. Finally we (meaning thousands of us) found an open route, and although we were shoulder-to-shoulder, we were at least moving. Until, that is, we came to a dead stop. It was impossible to know why we were stopping. Finally it became apparent that it was a simple intersection of human bodies. Thousands of people trying to go in 2 or 3 different directions all at the same time. I tried to relax and just soak up being in the middle of this melting pot cross-section of America. "Hello, fellow American!"

On a March day in Philadelphia almost a year ago, Obama said "we cannot solve the challenges of our time unless we solve them together - unless we perfect our union by understanding that we may have different stories but we hold common hopes; that we may not look the same and we may not have come from the same place but we all want to move in the same direction - toward a better future for our children and our grandchildren". I am so inspired by those words, and can't wait to be part of Organizing for America.

But it strikes me as funny how apropos those words were to our trivial little challenge of getting home that day! We formed human chains with strangers of every color who were going the same direction. Finally, finally we arrived at the Potomac, and by then had concluded we would simply walk out of DC rather than attempt a metro or bus. I couldn't wait to get home, but I hated to leave.

Wrecking Up

Juxtaposed to that happy comment Anne Peyton made last month, recently she has an affinity for saying, in her angriest moments, "Mommy, you are WRECKING UP my life". Damn! I've got to say, that one took me back the first time I heard it! Depending on her mood, tiredness and hunger status, and other unknowable causes, something as simple as tightening her carseat straps or requiring her to clean her plate might elicit this response.

Happy At You

Anne Peyton to Lisa: "Mommy, I'm happy at you now because you letted me buy those shoes"

Tommy (overheard on the monitor and elsewhere): "Adios Amigos, Heh-wo dodos...Adios Amigos, Heh-wo dodos...Adidas Amigos, Heh-wo dodos"... He sounds just like a parrot. We are pretty sure he got the Spanish from Dora (whom he loves), but not quite sure about the "dodos" greeting!

4th Annual Santa Shot

We had the Hofmeister cousins together again for the 4th Thanksgiving in a row; we had a wonderful celebration at John's parents house in Wisconsin - although brother Eric was terribly missed. We did get to "see" him via the wonders of technology just before he went to bed in hospital compound west of Iraq.

It has become a tradition to get a photo with Santa and the 3 cousins. This year we had NO crying and no fear! Alot of fun. I thought I would post all 4 photos. I think my favorite (no offense to Tommy whose absence is quite excusable!) is the first, where 9-month-old Anne Peyton and Santa are exchanging a special look.

2005 & 2006

2007 & 2008

Rest in peace, Jackson Tornow-Motzel-Kardos-Rardin-Hofmeister

…if you were to include his housemates over the years, his name would read "Jackson Tornow-Motzel-Peperak-Kardos-Rardin-Korona-Chapman-Kozicki-Devine-Hylden-Hofmeister"!

Born: 1991
Died: November 25, 2008 at approximately 12pm

Jackson was a hearty fatcat of a fellow who lived a good long life spanning two centuries. He was adopted as a kitten by housemates Kathi Tornow and Rob Motzel in Detroit , Michigan, and then turned over to the care of Rob’s later housemates Dianna Kardos and Lisa Rardin, after Rob married a lovely lady whose allergies wouldn’t tolerate Jack’s beautiful tiger-striped coat.

His claim-to-fame was his weight: nearly twenty pounds! At one house party during those twenty-something years, someone nicknamed him “The Ottoman” due to his resemblance to that piece of furniture when he was in a prone position. During another house party he was found having a romantic relationship with an exotic stuffed kitty in Lisa’s bedroom.

He did his best to do the mousing in the house, although Lisa had a way of making that quite challenging for him. Mostly, he could be found sprawled out on the floor on his back in the middle of any given room, spread-eagle and utterly content, but ready with quick eyes to pounce on a piece of string or wiggling toe that happened by.

His strength was legendary. Rob likes to tell the story of a large whole chicken he left de-thawing in the kitchen sink one day. Upon returning from an errand, Rob found the bird lying on the floor, with its plastic wrapping torn and its meat ravaged. It remains a mystery to us all just how Jackson managed to pull his weight in chicken up out of the sink and off the counter!

He formed feline friendships with many other wonderful humans in Michigan , including other housemates Jennie Korona, Rebecca Chapman, and Ken Kozicki.

In 1998 Jackson accompanied Lisa and her brother Tim on a cross-country driving odyssey, and became a resident of Colorado in July of that year. He was Lisa’s constant companion and during this time he also befriended other humans, including housemates Paul Devine & Mikkel Hylden. After Lisa married John Hofmeister in 2002, this growing family added to its ranks a dog, then another dog, and then a child, and then another child. Being a cat and naturally the least needy of the lot, Jackson endured these “demotions” in status without complaint.

In his final years he had gone deaf, and as a result his voice grew quite loud – presumably because he was unable to hear himself speak. He preferred to spend most of his time in the basement where it was warm and cozy. Despite his decline, he still enjoyed performing his famous “flippy” move – a gentle somersault over Lisa’s outstretched foot.

He was in Lisa’s arms in his basement home when he peacefully ascended to the Heavyside Layer just a few days before Thanksgiving. He spent his last few days enjoying lavish attention and head scratches, tuna fish dinners, and all the catnip he could stand.

Goodbye, sweet boy. You will be dearly missed.
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We told Anne Peyton the news the next day, after Lisa could compose her Pisces-weepy self a little better. It was pretty much a non-event for a 3 1/2 year old, despite the fact that she had grown quite attached to the old boy recently. But the next day on the way to the airport (to grandmother's house we went for Thanksgiving), she composed a little song and sang it for us in the car. I can't nearly do it justice because it was sung in the sweetest, tiniest little voice, but it went like this:

alllllll cats die....when they get old
alllllll cats die....when they get old
alllllll cats die....when they get old
alllllll cats die....when they get old

Immediately thereafter she offered to sing another song for us. It began "allll elephants...". She quickly interrupted herself and assured us that although it SOUNDED like it would be the same song, it wasn't. She then proceeded with:

allll elephants like...to splash water on their backs
and so on

Variety Show

Today while Tombo was napping and John was at the Bronco game with Casey, Becky and I were treated to a special performance by the ultimate Mistress of Ceremonies, Anne Peyton Hofmeister. She set up a small theatre in the kitchen, using stepstools as audience seating, and she placed herself in a chair behind the "stage". Here is a sampling of the lineup:

- Several select readings from her collection, starting with "Brown Bear, Brown Bear". She "read" the entire book to us, and then took a moment to ask each of us, individually, to name the animals we saw on the pages. When we got it wrong, she very patiently & sweetly told us the correct answer. When we got it right, she was quick to praise us. Next she read from "So Many Bunnies"...

- An invisible dance troupe of "bootiful people" (oh dear; , is it starting already?) performed onstage for a few minutes. They received a standing ovation from us. Afterwards, she invited us each up to do some twirls and hops onstage, with her careful instruction.

- Delicious chocolate and vanilla candies were served at what had to have been an intermission. Ever the consummate host, she didn't bat an eyelash when we requested broccoli and beans instead, and served it right up

- At one point she requested that if we were to see a slug crawling on the stage, we should let her know immediately so she could take it outside. Eagle-eye Beck spotted one, and it was quickly ushered out as promised.

- During the show several animals sat quietly beside her: a sheep, a dog, a chicken, and a giraffe. In what seemed to be her grand finale, she asked each of us if we'd like to hold the animals. Of course we nodded enthusiastically, and she carefully handed each animal over to us, one at a time. Our time was limited and fully supervised. Becky & I both had problems handling the chicken - so flappy & squawky! When we asked for advice on handling him she very matter-of-factly and confidently explained that it was best to turn him over onto his stomach and push down on his back. It worked like a charm!

A Pee and Three Elk

John left for his deer hunting trip Thursday morning, and he missed out on two big events! First was that night, when Tombo was running around naked after his bath. He started peeing, and I exclaimed "Oh, Tommy, do you want to make your peepee go in the toilet?". "Uh-HUH", he nodded definitively, and followed me down the hall to the kiddie toilet (to my amazement, because typically the answer is "nooooooo". I helped him aim, and away he went! Sis was there to cheer him on. Then he stopped the flow, looked at me impishly, and exclaimed "Again!". The flow resumed, then stopped; the look, and "Again". Several times. It was a hoot. We gave him alot to be proud of but I'm not convinced this is the start of something big, just yet!

Then, Friday morning at breakfast I looked out the window and saw THREE ELK grazing in the open space behind our house! A bull and 2 cows. Fortunately they hung around long enough for me to fish out my zoom lens and snap some photos. We're not too far from the foothills so it's not that unusual to see them, but this was our first time in nearly 8 years of living here. Later that day they were bedded down by the creek between here & the lake. I called the DOW and learned that typically they make their way down & back via creek beds. I hope they do OK on the way back. They were majestic.

Pupup

The week of October 13th began normally enough. John left bright and early for his bi-monthly trip to Ft. Worth, and the kids and I set out for a morning adventure. But on the way out of the neighborhood we noticed a small dog wandering aimlessly in the middle of the street. Forever grateful to the numerous people who have stopped for OUR dogs wandering aimlessly over the years, I stopped to check for a collar/tags. Nothing. But amazingly, he came to me, with these huge, frightened eyes. He seemed downright grateful. We went back home to make up "found dog" signs, and proceeded to hang them at various posts around the neighborhood. He passed my trust test, so he was allowed to ride around on Anne Peyton's lap, much to her great delight. Once the signs were up, he ran some errands with us and then came back for lunch. Anne Peyton named him "Yoyo", then later she changed his name to "Pupup" for some reason. Since I liked the first name better I attempted to call him that, but she firmly and quickly corrected me.

I figured I'd have a message on my phone any minute, or at least that night after the owner came home from work. But nothing. So he spent the night with us. I requested to work from home the next day so I could keep an eye on him.

Day 2 - I left my info with every shelter & vet office I could think of. The vet said he had no microchip and was probably a MinPin/Chihuahua mix. By the end of that day I still had no calls, and I got pretty worked up about the thought that some awful person must have knowingly abandoned him. There would have been no excuse for them not to find me (imho). It's easy to let emotions pile on top of emotions, but suffice it to say I was a weepy mess as I was going to bed that night.

Day 3 - Had to get up to the office so Dolores reluctantly took the dog for the day so he wouldn't be alone in my house. She called me at 2pm practically in tears, begging me to come home as soon as possible, because he had crapped on her carpet and would not come out from behind the couch. Poor Dolores. Poor Pupup.

Day 4 - Poor John returned home to find he was no longer the dominant male in the house. He was greeted by the newcomer with a fierce growl and then fiercer barking when he got closer. The growling never let up. I loved that the little sweetie was just defending me, but you can imagine how annoying it was - especially to John. The best was when John started growling back at him. Boy THAT went over well!

Day 5 - Gave up on finding an owner, so I posted Pupup with my Freecycle group. (Never heard of Freecycle? Oh my goodness! You must check out http://www.freecycle.org). Within an hour I had 6 responses - several with great recommendations about no-kill shelters, plus some tentative offers of adoption! I zeroed in on one woman, Michelle, who said she already had a chihuahua mix, and was looking for a companion dog. That was a plus, since she was already familiar with their overly protective nature. I asked her a few questions by phone and decided it would be a great match; she didn't even mind that he wasn't fully potty-trained. The kids and I dropped him off at their house later that night, and I was convinced without a doubt. He even crapped on her floor while we were there and she cleaned it up without so much as a grimace. And she offered that we could come back at any time to visit. I'm not sure if that was more for Anne Peyton's sake, or MINE when she saw my tears on our way out!! Sheesh, what a crybaby.

Day 6 - Had an email from Michelle stating that the first night went fine, and that "Chico" (surprisingly (not), they opted NOT to call him "Pupup") acted like he had lived with them a long time, and that he and Tinkerbell were getting along famously. All's well that ends well.

Tommy News

Just a quick note about Tommy. He had his 2 year appointment last week. He's off the charts as far as his height goes, and the doc warned us about people expecting too much from him since he looks older than he is. Or as someone else put it, the trouble is that people think your kid is an idiot.

In any case, one of the things John and I chuckled over today is his sheer enthusiasm. He will literally yell these single words out -- not out of anger or TRYING to be loud per se...it just seems that he is way excited about them! "WA-GA" when he sees a big body of water. Or "CHOO TRAIN". Or "SISSY!" or "DADDY"!. Or when he's wondering where one of those things are, he just changes the intonation. "DADDY?" - with this incredibly inquisitive look, and palms up in the air. He's definitely got his oral punctuation marks down pat.

He's also a cuddly little monster. Loves his soft blankets and if you offer him one of those (with a book as icing on the cake), he'll pretty much cuddle up with you, no questions asked.

Pine Beetles love peanut butter

A great day today: we made the trip up to Avon, CO to spend the day with Terie & Casey Holmquist. It took the kids a little while to warm up, but once they did, I feel pretty sure they would agree with John and I that it was worth the long drive for a relatively short trip (even with the nasty traffic jam on Vail Pass on the way back!).

We discussed pine beetles (which are devastating the population of pine trees in much of Colorado, leaving them dead and brown - very sad) on the way up. Anne Peyton immediately jumped on the bandwagon of cursing the beetles: "MEAN pine beetles", "that's not very nice", etc. I think she knows me too well, though, because then she gave me a very difficult question to answer: "Mommy, would you smoosh a pine beetle if you met one?". I answered "it depends". "Yes or no, mommy", she said. Damn! We made up a story about Thumpkin offering an alternative of PB&Js to the pine beetles one day, thus saving the entire forest.

On the way back down, AP was relentless in her quest for more stories. John and I both told a few, and she wanted more!more!more!. Cute at first, but after awhile it was just too much. I thought I said quietly to John, "Oh-my-God" (in that incredulous, drawn-out kind of a way). AP immediately said "mommy, did you say Oh My God?". And before I could answer, Tommy starts into a chirpy chant of "ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod". Fortunately it turned into "ohmygosh". John and I could only laugh deliriously.

Anne Peyton can be painfully shy given the right conditions, and it gets worse when the focus of a group of unfamiliar people turns to her. This has been difficult for me, given my own introversion and social anxieties. So last Monday (9/29), when she & Tommy & I took a trip to the Golden library for story/song time, I felt pretty sure that she would refuse to go by herself to hear the stories up close, and instead cling safely to me. I was exceedingly surprised and proud when, after she realized that I would stay back in the circle and not go with her up front, she thought about it for a minute then took Tommy's hand and sweetly said "Tommy, do you want to come with me to hear the story?"

It was yet another lesson learned for me: that kids will do their own things, when they're ready. I loved that it was her very own idea, and not the result of coercion or nagging from me.

After hanging out at the library and having lunch along nearby Clear Creek, we headed over to the Colorado Railroad Museum - our first visit. It was a really neat place! Especially cool was the fact that it was virtually empty, a stark contrast to the weekend prior when Thomas the Tank Engine was there for his annual visit - a veritable zoo. I was hoping perhaps Thomas hadn't left yet for his next venue, and sure enough, that was the case. We found him sitting by himself in the roundhouse. I realized later that we shouldn't have been in there; it was probably quite a liability. On the way out I noticed a small area behind plexiglass where museum visitors should have been relegated to. But instead, for a few minutes with noone there to correct us, we had Thomas to ourselves. I'm pretty sure I was more excited about it than the kids were though!

Bye-bye pacis, it's been nice. Hope you find your paradise!

Lots to catch up on - but one piece of big news is that Anne Peyton finally gave up her nighttime/naptime pacifier! Shortly after we returned from Peru (more on that later!), John realized that she hadn't mentioned her paci lately, so he suggested she sleep without it that night. Amazingly, she agreed to it (we had suggested it many times before), and he agreed to sleep in her bed to help get her through the first night. Each night thereafter she slept without it, although sometimes it was difficult and she heartbreakingly requested it. Then, about a week later, we suggested that we give all the pacis to the mail lady so she could deliver them to all the poor babies without pacis. This had also been suggested and discussed MANY times before (even with the mail lady), but this time she agreed. We were a little nervous about showing her the box of pacis, but she didn't turn into a paci monster. Instead she bravely carried the box out to the mail truck and handed it over. It really was a BIG moment because you can't imagine how much comfort she derived from those things; they were her ROCK whenever she was upset about anything. So the courage and independence this showed was major. We celebrated immediately and called a few people to let her brag about her bravery. A week later or so she rec'd a letter in the mail from a little girl in California who had received the pacis and was so very grateful!! (thanks, Nonney!).